update from elko

so i havent really followed this in a while, i now live in elko nevada, i was promoted to night service manager of the smiths out here, pretty much the new label is a front end manager and an assistant store director, i have more responsabilty and yet i dont feel that i get to use my power that i should, i am kept out of the loop on most things in my store, i work for the most untrustable people i have ever met in my entire life, my store is in dire need of new people to help me run it, to sum it up...i am miserable here in elko.

my brother brandon is now married, has a little boy and is in the army, i havent seen him in 3 months and hate it, its the first time in our life we havent seen each other in over a week...i hate it

found out through a blog that my best friend is renting his house.
myspace told me that chris is and had a baby.
cale is having a baby.
ryan is seeing someone.
scott is dating someone
jesse is well its jesse :)
steve is in japan with the army
brandon is in virgina
im in elko, un attached and lost with out my friends

i have a year here. then back to slc but who knows...maybe ill get out of the grocery biz haha

gifted

i think i have a gift for failing, my birthday was june 3 and i turned 27, just seems like everything i have done since then has failed. im just tired and i need to run away, i think i am getting depressed again and it seems the only thing that pulls me out is my fear of trying to kill myself again, i cant...no i wont go back to being that way, living that life was unproductive and stupid. i know i can thank some of my friends that helped me out of the slump, but now they are all married. stupid!

ugh.

growing up sucks

so it looks like we sold the house, brandon is going to the air force and candis is moving to her parents house for a little while, and as for myself......well i am going house hunting in slc today, i guess its a good move since i am in slc all the time and the bountiful golds gym is around the corner. big problem though...i have to find a place that will take my dog, mindi my friend wants to live together, not real sure if its a good idea if we do but we will see i guess.

lol

life has been up and down for the past few weeks, still hitting the gym everyday and i havent lost a pound but i am gaining lots of muscle but the upside to it all is that i am feeling great about myself and im getting healthy.

we just got back from vegas on monday for brandons wedding, it was realy good, we had a blast out there, just non stop partying, lots of good friends but not all the friends. i think that if and when i get married it will be out of state, and i will be disapointed too, cuz i know there are some of my friends that wont make an effort to travel for it, sad really cuz its true.

so why are some people so dumb, hey lets pretend to be interested in you but when i see you with your friends lets not pay any attention to you, but your friend was hella cute and not the one that was telling me that you had a boyfriend.....ha ha classic!

yelling and nobody knows.

i have sat here staring at this blank page for an hour trying to fugure out what i want to say, so i try and figure it out while i type lol

so today was kinda lame, i was in a great mood then my bosses came to work and then it went to shit, i found out how shady and greedy they are, its sad cuz i sorta looked up to them, they lost all respect i had for them, i cant really go in to detail on what happened but its just shady. i was really frustrated today and i needed someone to talk to but no one really had time so i dealt it in my own way. i took a nap haha not the greatest way to deal with things but it works for me, it helps me bottle it up, but i did release it in the gym today, ran on the tread mill for 30 minutes and the illiptical for 20, there was good motovation next to me the whole time but like a goof i am my ipod fell and shot behind me and it was embarssing but i got through it and ran harder.

for the last week i have been house sitting for my uncle in sugarhouse, its nice to be alone and not be bothered but i am soooooooooo fuckin bored here! but ill be back to normal life on monday but then on wed we leave for vegas and god do i need a vacation so bad, we are going down cuz brandon and candis are getting married, most of our friends will be there so its going to be hella fun. but i am done ranting and its time for bed.

wrestler

so i havent been here in a bit, so things are up and down right now in my life, i have been pretty lonely lately and things are moving too fast for me to grip on, i just need to break for once in life.


i watched the wrestler tonight and there was a part where he and his daughter had it out, she gave him a lot of chances but he screwed up and she told him to never come around, its funny cuz in a way that is the way i am with my dad, i havent seen him in 7ish years and i really dont know what would happen if i did see him again, he is just worthless to me now. where was he when i needed a father.....


hmmmm

blah blah blah

ok so i havent really updated this in a while so here i am, brandon and candis are getting married in vegas on may 15 2009, that should be fun,most of our friends will be there so its gonna be a great time! work is getting better everyday, well for the most part, connie one of my work friends and the person whom i am with all day everday has gone for materity leave, i am hella bummed cuz i really dont talk to anyone else at work. ummm oh with the gym thing, i have been going everyday for a month and i have yet lost any weight but i have gotten alot more toned which is fuckin awesome!

the other night i had a dream that my brother came in to my room and asked me what my deal has been for awhile, and all i said is its cuz im lonely...

that was a weird and yet truthful dream...yes i am lonely but its not how it seems.

hmm

ok so i did it! i joined golds gym tonight, ryan and brandon kicked my ass real good and they are going to contunie to do so until i am back at 150ish, it feels good but the 533 was hard to give up, i was saving that money for a trip but i needed this and now that i did it, it feels good, i had a great workout and plan on doing so either eveyday after work or everyother day. so my step is in front of me and i and see it! now i just have to find the will power to go foward.


last night i had dinner with my uncle and aunt and we ate pretty well as usual, they are great cooks, but we also had a great conversation about my life, seeing on how i dont have anyone else to really talk too, they listen to me and offer advice which is really helpful for me.

steps

ok so its time, time to start my next journey, figure out what is the next step in life, a few weeks ago i started to eat meat again, one morning i woke up and called cale, i asked him if he wanted to do breakfast with me so we went to sills cafe and i ordered steak and eggs, it was crazy to have that in my mouth after 9 years, i mean i have been craving it for so long that i forgot how it tastes, so now i have meat almost everyday at work.

so about this stepping stone...i was talking to my uncle today and he was telling me that i need to try new things, so one thing that has been in the back of my head is the gym and my teeth, i am going to research gyms and join one, its just time to get back in shape, and my teeth....well its just fuckin time! found out that my dental insurance will cover 1500 so i will make the appointment to get it started.

birth

cash jackson stump was born today 2.28.2009 he weighed 6.11 lbs and was 20 1/2 inches long, he has blonde/redish hair and is adorable, here is a picture of brandon and cash together that i took.


my little brother is growing up...

"D"

i think marriage can be a beautiful thing but it seems that alot of people around me are getting divoriced, i have never been married and i see these people that hate the idea of marriage, it hurts the chances for us that have never been.

random

so i sit here and i am watching mad money and it looks like we might be getting 500.00 for single or 1,000.00 for couples......yeah more money we have to pay taxes on, i am feeling a little bummed right now, i got 2 free tickets in the suites at the delta center for monster truck madness, i thought it was going to be Saturday but no...its Friday, i asked a girl that i am liking right now but she cant go...but again i don't think she is really that into me. Being in the the grocery biz kinda sucks right now, i am super bored of it, i belive i may and try to go to the office again.


i think i have the worst grammar ha ha i cant remember where to end a sentence, how to leave a comma or whatever. i need to take a grammar class or something.


why does all my friends have to be married, i think out of all my friends that are married, lance and Lindy have the best marriage and i like her the best anyway, she lets lance do stuff with me and she doesn't freak out. i feel like like i ramble on and on sometimes but it help get things out, its funny cuz i will write so much but wont keep 3/4 of the stuff i write cuz i am afraid of letting people know how i really feel or think, dint get my wrong i am not crazy but i guess i don't want people to think different of me. OK I'm done rambling.

fighting..

its crazy how life can be flipped around, to think 6 months ago i was hitting rock bottom with work, going back down the corporate food chain, but i didnt give up, i did my time and faught my way back to the top. i am now a icm..means invertory control manager, i am the most important person in my store i pay all the bills for my store, incharge of sales tracking, and all audits, ok so im done talking about all that.

we just got some snow yeaterday, 14 inches in 7 hours! autumn is havin the hardest time running through the snow so its this white dog hoping around like antolope it is the funniest thing ever. she love the snow, so today i took a nap after work and i woke up with autumn next to me as usual but anyway we went outside and it was so peaceful, there wasnt a sound outside, no cars, no jets, and no wind. it was nice just to breath and feel peace.

Happiness

Wind Beneath the clouds, weaving through my hair, Singing grasshoppers complimenting my ears, The veiw of beauty brings a breath of fresh air, And the freedom, freedom of nothing to care, Alone and still, silent and resigned, Whisper every word, keep every thought, This land that i lay upon warm and kind, The sun blazing down, my happiness caught, An innocent smile finding my face, On this landscape i be free of my life, free of me, Shattered and dissappearing dreams, here not the case, For being at peace i know what i can see.

dumb!

so i am sitting at home and working on somethings for work and my sister in-law asked my brother if they were just going to through away there 200.00 vacumn away. i guess the thing that bugs me about them is if its not being used then its garbage, im serious its stupid, they act like they have all this money in the world, and they have a baby on the way, looks like things will hit them pretty hard when Cash is born and i move out. just means 300.00 less from me and the baby is going to cost so much more haha . all they do is bitch bitch bitch, it will be good to move out, i do hope i get this place above my friend mindi.